Off the Rim

As you know, Brigade, Birdie has long been taken with the potty and all its associated accouterments.  It's all getting a bit ridiculous though: Birdie approaches the potty as her brother does, which is to say, she would like to pee standing up, and if she is to sit on the potty, she would prefer to sit on the rim of the bowl, rather than the seat.  It makes no difference, apparently, that Julie is a girl, and Clara is a girl, and thus, that as Julie sits on the seat to do all her potty business, Clara might as well.  No.  Instead, what appears to be determinative here is that Joe is little, and Clara is little, and therefore, as Joe does, so shall Clara.  And you know, Brigade, at home here, if Birdie wants to try and pee standing up, well wiz away! And if she wants to sit on the bowl's rim, worst case scenario is she falls in, or sit in some dried dribbles from the boys.

But on Monday, after the zoo, at Noodles, all was not well.  While Julie finished up ordering, Ted took the bambini in to the bathroom so they might wash their hands.  He took them into the men's room which doubles as a family changing room and if there is any silver lining in this story, it is that the events which unfolded, unfolded in relative privacy.  This reporter wasn't present so her account is secondhand, but she heard the screams.  Apparently, in the men's family changing room at this Noodles, there is a urinal, and a potty.  Joe used the urinal and--you see where this going, Brigade--as Joe does, so shall Clara.  Of course, as you also know, this simply will not work.  Ted knew this, and suggested the potty.  Clara found this suggestion acceptable, but not the attendant suggestion that she sit on the potty seat.  Only the rim of the bowl would do and Ted (bless him) did not condone her sitting on the bowl rim of the public toilet.  Things devolved from there, as after this grave disappointment, she would brook no assistance with the washing of her hands which was desperately needed in the wake of the visit to the zoo, and frankly, after Clara had attempted to clamber up on the toilet bowl rim and, upon being denied, pitched herself on the floor of the--it bears repeating--public restroom.

Julie heard all of this, and decided not to intervene.  As Ted later said, "Double teaming never works."  So she hastily got her hands washed and upon leaving the bathroom, found Joe in the booth where Julie had left the drinks and order number.  He announced (at typical preschooler volume--i.e. loud) that "Daddy and Clara were outside because Clara couldn't handle it."  And indeed, there she was, outside, wadded up in Ted's arms, with the construction site across the way, listening, no doubt, to a running commentary on all the trucks on the site.  She wasn't crying or screaming though.  Poor Birdie.  With a bit of a cold, a bit of a bonk, and more than a bit tired. . .and then refused a seat on the toilet bowl rim.  It was almost not to be borne, but bear up Birdie did, and so it was that noodles were had.

Swish.