The Trouble With Sleepovers

Birdie decided to sleep on the floor in Joe's room in her sleeping bag Friday night.  Joe noted when he woke up that he had NOT slept well. He was, indeed, a mess on Saturday. He had trouble staying focused at swimming class.  In retrospect, it was probably because he was trying to figure out when he could go to sleep. While waiting for his haircut, he wadded himself up in Julie's lap and fell asleep. Then, he fell asleep in Ms. Debbi's chair while she was cutting his hair! His buddy Eric came over to play and after rallying for an hour or so, Joe went to go sleep in his room. (Eric played Legos with Ted.) By mid-afternoon, Julie and Ted were ready for a nap, too. So there was an hour or so where Birdie was left to her own devices. She did a little work, and who knows what else.

Birdie's (handi)work

Joe may never let Birdie sleep in his room again. It's unclear if he has deduced that his sister sleeping on his floor is analogous to a sleepover and thus, whether he will forgo sleepovers, at least in the short term. He is feeling better today. He reports that his tummy doesn't hurt, though his head feels like it has "a thousand birds" (or it might have been bugs) in it and, by the way, that happens when he "watches movies for a long time and sometimes in music class." We think it's a headache. He lectured Clara (again) about why she couldn't sleep on his floor again. He said it made his tummy hurt a lot and he was sure her tummy hurt a little bit, too.

Birdie didn't break out into a chorus of Let It Go, but that would have been a little funny, Fans, right?

Tinks

Joe's Spring Conference

"The best part of kindergarten is making words.  I like making words because I like working with letters."

In other news, this week brought spring conferences at Joe's school.  We picked him up at Kid's Place Thursday evening and all sat down with Mrs. D to hear how things were going.  So much to celebrate, Fans!  Our Hero is much improved on the "work habits" (begin and complete work on time, organize work and belongings) front.  He's always willing to try things on this own.  He is still sometimes too easily influenced by the troublemakers, but Mrs. D stressed that Joe is always willing to own up to his misdeeds; he's very honest.  He's also very good at listening (he's not "a blurter"), but Mrs. D hopes he'll share his thoughts more at group time.  Oh group time!  The bane of introverts everywhere.  On the academic front, it was fun to learn that Joe not only knows all the 50 kindergarten sight words, but all but one of the 100 additional first grade sight words.  He's reading books now that have language patterns more like written than spoken language and contain more abstract ideas or those which are more removed from the world he knows and the full range of punctuation.  In advance of the conferences, Joe and his classmates had to write a sentence or two about what they liked best about kindergarten.  You can see that Joe likes all things letters best, but he likes math, science, and Spanish, too.  He's on track to go to first grade.  Most important: Our Hero likes school and has made friends.

Waiting for Little House at White House

Fans, we are deep into Little House in the Big Woods. We have learned so many things about being pioneer life: how to smoke meat, the importance of storing food for the winter, that Christmas is awesome (Laura got a rag doll--thank goodness), that Sundays are boring, and that you probably should have a fondness for all things maple (sugar, syrup). We are nearly at the end of LHBW which is why we were searching for Little House on the Prairie this morning at the library. It was not there. We learned from the interwebs that, as it happens, the St. Louis Park branch doesn't actually own a copy, and that copies housed at every other nearby branch were checked out, or in transit, or otherwise unavailable. Humph. We put in a request for it, and the third installment in the series, Farmer Boy, straight away.

In the meantime, Julie queried her friend Anne and known fan of all things Little House as to whether she had a copy of LHOP that we might borrow. No dice; only By the Shores of Silver Lake and These Happy Golden Years. But, Anne did suggest--in a very pioneering way, we might add--that we might find LHOP at Half Price Books. Brilliant.  So this afternoon, we walked over to the nearby Half Price Books to see if we might find a copy there. No dice, save in a boxed set, overpriced given its water damage and mustiness. But bambini were told they could each select a book, but that Julie and Ted had veto power.  Clara gravitated practically instantly to princess books festooned with battery-powered, twinkling, and trilling wands and tiaras.  By gravitated we mean she managed to open the packaging of one before being stopped by Ted who vetoed all in that vein by declaring that we were not buying a book with "garbage" on it. We left with two more Fancy Nancys: the Christmas one and a pre-reader spin-off--and a B. Bears DVD from the clearance shelf!

So now we wait for the Hennepin County Library System to deliver us.  Sort of like pioneers waiting for Christmas, or Monday, or spring.

Daddy's Rain

Earlier Friday found Clara in the big bed, snuggling with Julie while Ted was showering, which is the usual routine. Joe doesn't always come in anymore. (When he does, he flings himself onto the bed and onto his side by Julie in one full, fluid motion that makes your heart squeeze and sigh.) So it's the girls there most mornings: Julie, Birdie, and Berenice. Birdie brings a book for Julie to read, usually before snuggling.  This past Friday, Julie was telling Birdie about how when Birdie was a baby, she and Mommy would lay for hours on the big bed, listening to the rain on Raleigh House's roof, and sleeping. Birdie took that in and then whispered, "We can listen to Daddy's rain!"  True, and so they did.

Let It Go. . .Never!

Brigade, as we have reported before, Our Birdie flies through life with a song in her heart. Like young girls across the nation, she is taken with the theme song from Frozen, Let It Go. It would seem that it is on daily rotation in Pre-B at the KinderCare because Birdie seems to have it memorized. If you want to make like you are living at the White House, click here for the five-minute extended remix of Birdie belting out Let It Go as she got dressed Friday morning. Then play it again.  And again.  And again.  And maybe again. (The only thing you hear more often than Clara singing "Let it go! Let it go!" these days is a worn down Ted, Julie, or Joe, exclaiming with exasperation, "Clara!"  As this reporter files this report, Birdie is singing the song in her bed, and Joe has already hollered out "Clara!" from his, once.)  The chorus making the song identifiable to those unfamiliar with the hit except perhaps in passing hits around 3:45, and the songbird herself comes into view around 4:30. Those who are patient will be rewarded with a sweetly blown kiss and a softly whispered "Bye!" with one of her usual hand gestures.  If you are not up for the extended remix but still would like to hear the song bird trill, you can click here, for a 1:30 second snippet of just the chorus, recorded this morning as Julie drove Clara to swimming class.  (But really, you'll need to play it at least twice to get the full flavor of what it's really like at White House.)

Bookworm Bambini

Birdie, in the stacks.

Lately, after swimming class, Julie has been routinely swinging by the library with the bambini. Usually something we have placed on hold is in, and the bambini are permitted to pick out a number of books that is equal to their age.  Although they are not always returned at the same rate, we usually do also have books to return, which will sometimes prompt Clara to bellow charmingly as they are swept off down the conveyor belt, "Bye bye books!"

Birdie likes to do as Joe does, so they both usually make a beeline for the pre-readers. Right now she gravitates toward the Barbie series, her favorite one of which features Barbie battling a fairy queen who thinks she is in love with Barbie's Ken, whom she forces to propose to her. The spell is broken when Barbie makes up with her frenemy, Racquelle, which turns them both into fairies--a fairy secret!  Fans, we're not making up that storyline (we use the term loosely).  The Witch of Blackbird Pond and such awaits, but for now, we have Barbie and Racquelle, the dopey Ken, and their fairy secret!

Last week, Joe got some more books from the Fly Guy series to which Sara introduced him at Christmas in Julie and Sara's annual holiday book swap.  These are quality pre-readers: simple but clever.  Nary a fairy secret--or weapon--in sight.  Joe's version of the above Barbie pre-readers feature plot lines that devolve into a fight of some sort on page three.  Later that same weekend, Joe made himself a pair of fly eyes (i.e. compound) out of crumpled balls of paper and one of Birdie's tiaras.  (They were fly.)

This weekend, Julie decided to check out Little House in the Big Woods, the first in the Little House on the Prairie series, which is basically a primer on how to be a pioneer. So far, we have learned about how to slaughter various animals and store their meat for the winter, how to make butter, and how to make bullets and clean a gun.  It's winter in the little house in the big woods and frankly, Fans, it all seems rather grim in spite of the toasty fire over which Pa is making bullets before entertaining the family with the fiddle.  But Christmas is coming and fingers crossed, four-year-old Laura will be able to retire her corn cob doll for a rag doll like her older sister, Mary. Naturally, the bambini are riveted by all this romantic seeming deprivation: bears, panthers, guns, and fiddling.

All of this happened not far from here, too, of course.  We are in historic Laura Ingals Wilder territory up here along the Minnesota-Wisonsin and Minnesota-Iowa borders. We told the bambini perhaps we would take a tour of some historic Little House sites this summer and Joe gasped in anticipation.  We better tell him there won't be panthers, and that we won't be salting and smoking our lunch.

Fly Guy--looking so very fly.

Rainbow Loom Club

Caped crusaders waiting for the Ladies of the Book.

A few weeks ago, on a Wednesday night, Julie hosted her book club at the White House. Shortly before the ladies arrived, Joe announced that he was having Rainbow Loom Club at the White House that Sunday. The first thing we asked was just who were the members of the Rainbow Loom Club? It turns out there are four members, all kindergarteners, and all Kid's Placers: Audrey, Amelia, MaKenna, and Landon. Audrey and Amelia are also in Joe's class.

Julie suggested that the inaugural meeting of the RLC be postponed until she could contact its members mommies and daddies, seeing as how none of the members could yet drive.  Joe saw the reason of this plan, and that is how the RLC's first meeting came to be this afternoon.

Some looming did occur.  So, too, did a lot of conversation about which boys loved which girls, and who would be getting married.  There may also have been a bit of stereotypical teenage girl-like screaming.  (Interestingly, Clara is currently all about whom she can marry. She has been trying to tack down why she cannot marry Joe--who is, it must be admitted, a catch!--Julie, or Ted. One cannot marry a family member is a confusing explanation as to the prohibition against marrying family members when Ted and Julie are family. Once it was explained to Birdie that Ted and Julie were not related until they got married, she seemed to understand and promptly announced her intention to marry her friend Silvia.)

The highlight of the RLC's meeting was the refreshments: homemade cookies.  The meeting was adjourned not long after each member had two cookies.  It may not surprise you to know, Fans, that in spite of the looming that happened, not a single bracelet (or other accessory) was completed. But then, all romantic combinations among the kindergarteners were explored, which represented a very full agenda for the first meeting.

Of Fortune

There is also this, Fans.

Until a few weeks ago, Joe would have said that he already knew how to swim.  It was true that he could move his limbs in an uncoordinated symphony that, despite the absence of any semblance of real organization, still served to move him through the water.  He floats in it without holding his body stiff, and he enters it without a second thought.  His comfort in the water is itself a comfort, gratifying to see.

But he'd gotten rather too big for his swim trunks.  The bambini go to swimming classes Saturday mornings, and a few weeks ago, Joe was goofing off in his class, distracting his teacher and the other students in his class.  Julie watched from one of the benches that line perimeter of the pool, her irritation building.

So after class, when he was wrapped up in his towel, Julie asked him to sit next to her on the bench and put it to him straight. She said something like, "You think you know how to swim? Well you don't. You are comfortable in the water and that's about it. Stop acting like you know everything, especially when it comes to swimming which is about a lot more than being comfortable in the he water; it's also about being safe in the water."  That's when she added that she'd signed Joe up go to day camp with Graham for two weeks this summer, where there would be swimming every day, but that if didn't start paying attention and practicing what he was being taught in swim classes, then he wouldn't be going.

It's sometimes hard to know how best to deliver a lesson in a "teachable moment," if you even recognize the moment for what it is.  Julie felt terrible--taking Joe down a peg like that, watching his face fall, not adding a coda like "I want you to have fun, but I want you to be safe, too," to soften the punch.  She had a hard time not smiling when Joe asked her when he and Graham were going to go to "swimming day care," a hard time keeping her voice flat when she replied, "July--if you shape up--and not at all if you don't."

If only Joe knew that the idea of obliterating those two weeks from the  quilt of summer care working parents must stitch together is practically unthinkable!  But he doesn't and mercifully, it hasn't come to that. Our Hero shaped up and yesterday, graduated from the Little 4 class to the Middle 2 class.  He's not always perfectly behaved, but that's o-kay. He's present, learning, stroking, breathing.

Two weeks ago yesterday, a St. Louis Park middle schooler, a 12-year-old boy in seventh grade, died after drowning in the school's pool. He was found after the end of a gym class, in the pool's deep end, unconscious, but alive, and died two days later.  The Parent Teacher Student Organization--the PTSO--asked that orange balloons be flown outside homes and business a week ago Friday to mark a day of remembrance for the boy, whose family has said could not swim, prompting all kinds of questions about why he was in the deep end and the class's supervision.

Of course the bambini asked why there were orange balloons all over town. Telling them that the balloons were to remember a 12-year-old middle school boy who died, and for his family and friends who love him and miss him, prompted questions about how people die--though not how this boy died.  Questions about death and dying aren't easy to answer, but when a child is asking them, it seems like the questions that start with how are easier to field than those that start with why, and they are more easily answered when they are about death as an abstraction, rather than a specific death.

The balloons, what happened to prompt their appearance, and the questions they prompted, have all sent Julie's memory back, and back again, in recent days to that poolside moment after Joe's swimming class, when she harshly told Joe he couldn't swim.  She's felt keenly all our good fortune.

We have the time, and money, and inclination to try to ensure that the bambini  know how to swim, but it is not really that fortune whose weight Julie has felt.  Because in spite of all one might do to guard against accidents, she knows they still happen.  She's felt the fortune of knowing the feel of the warm weight of the bambini in her arms, knowing even the cut of the irony of being frustrated at their interruptions as she tries to write these particular words, knowing the swell of love that pulls her away from the words, and back to the life.

Birdie Naps No More (On Weekends)

Ted has ensured that his children know how to eat a slice like a proper New Yorker.  Though Birdie didn't achieve the full fold here, she did not use a knife and fork either.

But the big news is that Birdie has dropped her afternoon naps on the weekend.  Or--more accurately--we have allowed her to drop her weekend naps.  For some time now during nap time, instead of napping, Birdie would natter away happily to an assorted gaggle of stuffed friends and baby dolls in her bed in her room during "nap time."  At the same time, she's been going to sleep later at night, but still seeming to be getting enough sleep.  So we have been thinking for a while now that Birdie would do alright without the weekend naps.

So last Sunday, when Joe had a birthday party that stretched over lunch time, Julie decided to take Birdie out for a big girl ladies lunch and roll right through the start of nap time and just see how things unfolded from there.  The Birds had pizza and ice cream with carmel sauce on top before heading home where there pattered about until the boys got home.  (Nap time just becomes quiet time.  It might also be called everyone-often-does-his-or-her-own-thing-so-as-to-preserve-communal-sanity time.)

Still, yesterday, Clara went to her room after lunch and announced that she was ready for "nappy" time.  She then proceeded to natter away happily to the friends currently in residence on the bed, though she did sleep for a bit.  Baby Doll, Aurora, and Minnie needed some quiet time, too, after all.

Socks

Birdie has taken to sleeping with socks on her hands and her feet. She calls them her sock-ity puppets or sock puppet-ies or sock-ity puppet-ies. (Many a noun is embellished with an E sound at the end these days.) This whim means that there is an abundance of socks in the laundry of late and this abundance, in turn, is good because Joe has taken a shine to folding socks. You read that sentence right, Fans. Julie was folding laundry last weekend, Joe rolled around and asked if he could help, and turns out he really likes to fold the socks. For now anyway.

Lucky 13

You remember a few posts ago, Birdie Brigade, when we mentioned that things fall apart when Birdie counts once she hits 13? Check it out here.

And Then

Fans, we have so much to report and too few hours of late to report it! So though there is more yet to come, we are seizing this little moment to tell you that tonight, Joe reported that something he loved about his day was "reading books with Mommy" while Clara said she loved "showing her outfit to the girls." It was a pink, purple, and aqua tiered tulle skirt paired with an aqua Ariel waffle weave shirt. Fairly garish but that's what trends when you're three going on four. Also, we learned that Clara's favorite color is still "pinknpurple" while Joe's is "rainbow." And then there was a group hug and no one freaked out about, oh, we don't know, like someone's hair being in his face. And then Clara wanted to take one of Joe's Fly Guy library books and just did, but then when Julie said she wasn't sure Joe would be o-kay with that Clara stopped and asked and didn't pitch a fit or whine. And then when Joe said no, she just asked if she could take it tomorrow, and didn't pitch a fit or whine. And then Joe said yes!--!!!!! And then when Clara walked into her room she called out "Good night, Joe!" And then Joe called back, "Good night, Clara!" And it was like the end of a Berenstain Bears book around here!

Lego Movie: A Joe and Ted original film

Today for quiet time, Ted decided that he and Joe should try making their own Lego movie.  Joe was asked what Legos he wanted to use and he was quick to select Star Wars.  So they set up a scene using a gray bedsheet on the dining room table.  From there Joe selected some TIE fighter ships to use, and they dug around for some Star Wars Lego guys to use.  They decided the TIE fighters would be attacking a rebel base and that Obi Wan and R2D2 would save the base.  The ships selected were tied with some thread so they could be hung into the scene.  We set up the tripod and ensured the whole scene would fit into the shot.  Joe was able to climb a step ladder to hang the ships in the air for the battle.  They made 36 frames and then off to the editing room!  Ted touched up all the photos to erase the thread from the shots and did some sound editing.  You have to pay attention to catch all the action, but notice at the end that R2D2 is celebrated and hoisted into the air before they fall down on each other.  Enjoy this cinematic marvel here!

Getting There

Not long after the new year began, we got a note from Mrs. D that said Joe was having trouble maintaining focus, especially during large group time (also known as "carpet time" around here), and wondering if we could share what might have been observed in his pre-K days, or what we observed at home, and any strategies we had found successful in helping him manage. Well we were catching what she was throwing: Our Hero can be very in his head. For example, he sometimes wears his underwear under his swim trunks because he just forgets to take it off before putting his swim trunks on. So Julie wrote Mrs. D to say that in pre-K, his teachers chalked his absence of focus up to boredom and that perhaps, he was in fact a bit bored there over time, but that the more we observed him, the more we had come to conclude that Our Hero is just in his head a lot, and also easily overwhelmed. We shared that we tried to let him know what he needed to do, give him a lot of autonomy, and then stay out of the way, especially at chaotic junctures like leaving the house for the day and the dinner-bath-bed trifecta for two in roughly as many hours.

Fans, it was a pretty long e-mail, to which Mrs. D wrote, basically, thanks, and she'd love to talk on the phone to share some of what she was observing. Now as it turns out, she just worries her meaning won't come through in e-mails so she prefers to talk on the phone, but Fans, it was a long 12 hours or so before she said that and we were right there with her.  In the meantime, Julie--the anxious one--got anxious and had to remind herself that Joe is a kind kid, with just enough of a rebellious streak to buy chocolate milk in the school cafeteria at lunchtime (he recently gleeful let this cat out of the bag--don't you love it?), who likes to read as much as he likes to, say, sled, all of which seems to suggest that he'll be someone who will be hired later on in life to do some things for which other people will cut him a paycheck, and some other people will want to hang out with, maybe catch a movie with, have a slice, grab a beer. . .

So Julie talked with Mrs. D and recognized Our Hero in all that was reported: greets Mrs. D with a hug every morning but often without all of the items he should bring into the room each morning, often the last person to get up from the carpet after large group time and then unsure where to go next because he was thinking about who only knows what, that sort of thing. Mrs. D wanted to work on it so she could push Joe a bit more academically--like challenge him to write two sentences with the words of the week instead of one.  That all seemed reasonable.  So the plan Julie hatched with Mrs. D had two primary components: Mrs. D would give Joe a special, secret signal when he needed to re-focus his attention (she touches her nose, Fans) and she would write a brief one or two sentence report on how things had gone each day so we could talk with Joe at home.

That was the plan, and then of course, there were only, like, nine days of school in January because of the weather and every kindergartener was unfocused. It was one step forward and two steps back for a while there. It didn't take us long to decide we weren't going to talk to Joe every day about the daily report.  Instead, we visited with him about it Friday nights at the close of a week and Sunday nights at the start of another, unless he had a great day which would all ways be acknowledged on that great day.

There were some successes though and on the first day Mrs. D reported that Joe had had a good day, Julie read what Mrs. D had written aloud and then spontaneously, Julie and Joe chanted, "Yea, yea, yea! Joe had a great day!"  (It so happened that it was a day when they were home alone for a bit before Ted and Birdie were also home.)

Fans, we are so proud to report that this past Friday, we had to change the chant because "Yea, yea, yea! Joe had a great WEEK!" It doesn't rhyme, but it's got a certain ring to it, don't you think?

Recently Julie was sent an article from her Dear Friend Carrie reminding her that into every life, a little failure must fall because without it, we wouldn't get to practice resiliency. It's an obvious observation, especially when made from a comfortable remove, and especially when, as a parent, you are arguably aiming to reach the point where your child can motor through life with some purpose, confidence, and decency.  At a remove, you can easily acknowledge there is no better way to learn to drive--literally, and through life--than actually driving.

In practice, it is hard to reach that comfortable remove and let go.  Instead, it is only too easy to see the bumps in the road and the danger ahead, and to reach over and jerk the wheel, pump the break, grip the door handle, and holler directions from the passenger seat (the back seat would be too far away), or to say, "That's enough.  Get in the back.  I'll take it from here."

It can be hard, too, to maintain perspective about what is most important to you as a parent.  That's how Julie, at least, found herself in a momentarily tailspin about Joe's absence of focus halfway through kindergarten.  It was just a hop right over his big, kind, friendly heart; and a skip right over his sort of lovely lost in his thoughts ways; and a jump right over his love of books and stories to well-but-without-that -"executive-functioning"-focus-then-he's-probably-going-to-struggle-through-the-rest-of-his-formal-education-and-then-where-will-he-be?!?!

It was hard to see that check engine light for what it was and to trust that with a pit stop and maybe an oil change, Joe was going to be running just fine.

But we're on our way again, Fans!  We stashed some resiliency in the glove compartment and threw some perspective in the trunk.  We're getting there.

A Song in Her Heart

Birdie for her part has been coping by singing.  A lot.  As Ted puts it, "She sings like she breathes."  She doesn't always sing recognizable songs.  Instead what she does is set the running monologue in her head to  a tune she makes up as she goes that often skitters into very high registers.  A snippet might go, "And then I put on my sock!  It is pink!  It is so cozy-eee-eee--EEE!!!"  It is sometimes charming, but sometimes maddening-ing-ing-ING!!!  Birdie is capable of picking up the tune of a song.  You can sometimes hear her singing a song and while you might not recognize what it is by the words since more than a few might be missing, you can usually recognize it by the tune.

Julie will still sometimes sing a song or two after reading books before the bambini go to bed.  Julie makes up for in enthusiasm what she lacks in talent when it comes to singing.  She really can't stay on key to save her life.  So she's sort of waiting for the day when Clara tells her she's got it all wrong.  But that'll be alright.

Trefk

Fans!  We're still here!  So is all the snow that was falling when last we left you.  Below are some shots of the little people next to or on top of the big piles of it.  Even though it's not like the first time there have been big piles of snow here or elsewhere, there is something amazing about this winter (though not in a good way).

Joe for his part has been keeping busy making webs with blue painter's tape in a Charlotte's Web Spier-Man mash-up haze.  Last weekend, the sticky blue web extended into the upstairs hallway to which he had affixed a sign reading "Trefk."  Fans of the E. B. White classic might recognize this as the first word Charlotte weaves into her web: terrific.  Throughout the week, Joe could be found asleep affixed to a web he made in his bed by one longer piece of tape wrapped about his ankle.  This past weekend, he made a star web that involved taking every book from the shelf in his room to construct a tower of them to which he could affix the end of one long piece of tape.  It's sort of trefk.  Even if this winter is not trefk, or terrific.